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pup64

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PostSubject: Writing Thread   Thu Oct 22, 2009 7:44 am

A continuation of the discussion @ Nemo's topic.
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PostSubject: Re: Writing Thread   Thu Oct 22, 2009 7:48 am

Yep Nemo sounds like a good character in a sci-fi book (you know if you think about it that means the fish movie is called finding nobody which sounds like a waste of time).
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PostSubject: Re: Writing Thread   Thu Oct 22, 2009 7:50 am

Yeah. Latin class FTW.

Anyway, screw it, I'm posting my story:

Quote :
Foreword

Once serene and beautiful, planet Fagridunra now floats, shaded in a thick layer of gases released by several large weapons, in orbit around an unnamed star. In the last 150 orbital cycles, one cycle being equivalent to about a tenth of a year, the people that had colonized that planet about one thousand cycles ago had gone from a peaceful utopia to an endless landscape of destruction. The colonists had not realized that their near perfect society was only that.

Long ago, on a cycle among the first, the colonists of Fagridunra built a large downward facing furnace; the planet ran off of steam and compressed air tanks filled by the geysers. They predicted that in less than 1300 cycles, the inside of the planet would have cooled to the point where it would not power geysers sufficiently to power mechanical devices that ran the planet. They built this furnace specially to reheat the remaining molten rock to a point where it would begin melting outward and restore a large fraction of power for a longer time. The furnace is still where it was. However, near the 400th cycle when about three quarters of the required fuel had been collected, a vital processing component of the central computer- powered directly by steam, processing by pushing certain parts into place and interpreted on a display- was stolen by means unknown to them. The operation was deemed hopeless until the steam processor was found.

On the 798th cycle, a scientist named Alexander Ricci discovered a species of bacterium he found on imported goods. He ended up being unable to trace where these came from. These were noticed when several foods irradiated large amounts of heat. Ricci began to promote it as a new source of energy on Fagridunra, replacing the vast amount of steam power used by the residents, as when the colonists had approached the planet, the steam power they used was already very inefficient because of the planets thick crust. The lawmaking bodies rejected the offer in fear of the bacteria being fatal to humans. A small group of energy conservation activists rebelled after they decided to dispose of the bacterium and illegalize it, despite hundreds of tests on various animals as a precaution.

The group began to gain much more power as the rebellions went on. On cycle 842, Riot Control was not enough to cool the fights. The rebels- Now consisting of over 30% of the planet's population- had began to build weapons of their own. The entire world of Fagridunra had erupted into a state of chaos. There were few safe places for either side. Hope was lost.

It was cycle 1284. Power would run out soon. Only about 1000 people were still living on the planet. The very few rebels left were unsure of the status of those who took the side of the government. Right now they could only worry about their own survival, but they did not have tools to extract energy from the bacteria. Nor did they have time to make such a tool. A group of Martian scientists would come to take the last contained specimen in a few days. 348 rebels lived in this now polluted community, living in a volcanic zone on the bottom of a ridge, somewhat near the very dry continental rift valley.

The colonists felt nothing but dread.

This is a very rough draft. So rough that Chuck Norris wipes his ass on it.
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metroidianprime

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PostSubject: Re: Writing Thread   Thu Oct 22, 2009 7:57 am

I can tell Not even one bit of dialogue.
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PostSubject: Re: Writing Thread   Thu Oct 22, 2009 8:03 am

It's supposed to be that way. It's supposed to sort of an overview feel, with a very general description.
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PostSubject: Re: Writing Thread   Thu Oct 22, 2009 9:36 am

I like it Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Writing Thread   Thu Oct 22, 2009 9:41 am

^Thanks, man!

Any critique?
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PostSubject: Re: Writing Thread   Thu Oct 22, 2009 9:45 am

Like how you said Oribital cycles instead of years cause you know kids at school when making a narrative story they always say years though on another planet.
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PostSubject: Re: Writing Thread   Thu Oct 22, 2009 9:48 am

That always bothers me. But it basically goes 10 cycles is one Earth year, forty cycles is four, 800 is 80, etc.
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PostSubject: Re: Writing Thread   Thu Oct 22, 2009 11:10 am

I liked the sound of it.

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PostSubject: Re: Writing Thread   Thu Oct 22, 2009 11:22 am

I have a few more paragraphs written.

I forgot, this is also where FA spawned from. (I knew I was forgetting someone)
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PostSubject: Re: Writing Thread   Mon Jan 04, 2010 11:28 am

Oh hey i finished some of X-over wanna hear it... TOO BAD.

X-Over: 4014
:Downloading history log 3013 ch.2:
All hell broke loose a galactic war that has lasted over 2000 years is at it's peak. How does a war last 2000 years? You may ask... well it is all summarized in one word... Apocalypse.
:November 20, 2012: This was the time when an announcement came on on all brodcasts. "A gamma ray blast has been reported positive, reapeat reported positive. Luck may be on your hands two spaceships peace and survivor are working."
People went crazy they killed anyone in their path trying to insure there was enough room for them.
:December 20, 2012: Death at an all time high, the casualties... four-billion. One billion left behind, one billion were able to leave.
:February 22, 2013: Peace succesfully landed on Mars while survivor kept on to the Gliese 581 star system.
:February 23, 2013: Mars now a country gathered up and sent a missile to survivor for the irrational reason that they believe that survivor cause those four-billion people to die for the fact that they sent out that message and they will slaughter all humans to achieve power.
:January 16, 4014: From then on irrational reasons piled up attacks because of fear of new tecnology or attacks to stop attacks without knowing they were just adding fuel to the fire. The latest reason for war was illegal studies of technology. One of the most deadly reasearches was a genetic engineering program named X-over. X-over is a program where people illegally create super soilders and the Gliese 581's government sent a few of there own super soilders to stop it. Now you may wonder. The government has super soilders? Then why is x-over a bad thing? But think present day pharmacies sell drugs to patients but illegal drug dealers sell to addicts. In the same way the governments gives genetic engineeringto soilders to make them better, faster, and stronger but x-over not only make people better, faster and stronger but completely erases one humanity. That is why they sent me.




LOL I'll prolly publish this book after 2012 to ensure that nothing like this happens. Was it good?
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PostSubject: Re: Writing Thread   Sat Jan 09, 2010 11:17 am

By now i am done with the whole first chapter.
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PostSubject: Re: Writing Thread   Sat Jan 09, 2010 11:40 am

So... are you going to post any?
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PostSubject: Re: Writing Thread   Sat Jan 09, 2010 12:23 pm

Any what. That was the begining.
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PostSubject: Re: Writing Thread   Sat Jan 09, 2010 1:55 pm

Your first chapter.

Remember?

metroidianprime wrote:
By now i am done with the whole first chapter.
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PostSubject: Re: Writing Thread   Sun Jan 10, 2010 7:35 am

metroidianprime wrote:

X-Over: 4014
:Downloading history log 3013 ch.2:
All hell broke loose a galactic war that has lasted over 2000 years is at it's peak. How does a war last 2000 years? You may ask... well it is all summarized in one word... Apocalypse.
:November 20, 2012: This was the time when an announcement came on on all brodcasts. "A gamma ray blast has been reported positive, reapeat reported positive. Luck may be on your hands two spaceships peace and survivor are working."
People went crazy they killed anyone in their path trying to insure there was enough room for them.
:December 20, 2012: Death at an all time high, the casualties... four-billion. One billion left behind, one billion were able to leave.
:February 22, 2013: Peace succesfully landed on Mars while survivor kept on to the Gliese 581 star system.
:February 23, 2013: Mars now a country gathered up and sent a missile to survivor for the irrational reason that they believe that survivor cause those four-billion people to die for the fact that they sent out that message and they will slaughter all humans to achieve power.
:January 16, 4014: From then on irrational reasons piled up attacks because of fear of new tecnology or attacks to stop attacks without knowing they were just adding fuel to the fire. The latest reason for war was illegal studies of technology. One of the most deadly reasearches was a genetic engineering program named X-over. X-over is a program where people illegally create super soilders and the Gliese 581's government sent a few of there own super soilders to stop it. Now you may wonder. The government has super soilders? Then why is x-over a bad thing? But think present day pharmacies sell drugs to patients but illegal drug dealers sell to addicts. In the same way the governments gives genetic engineeringto soilders to make them better, faster, and stronger but x-over not only make people better, faster and stronger but completely erases one humanity. That is why they sent me.


That was the first page of my book. It starts as information on a flash drive on S.E.R.P.E.N.T. program. The main character's name is Mila. So... I DID.
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