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 Fireheart (A sylux fanfic)

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Cizin

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PostSubject: Fireheart (A sylux fanfic)   Sun May 24, 2015 3:04 am

If you've seen my pen-name of Tyrannolodon on Fanfiction.net you probably know me for Sylux Origins or Metroid Doomsday, however, having become a lot older and wiser since then, I've decided to come back to writing metroid fics and started on https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10790907/1/The-saga-of-Sylux-Fireheart, a reboot of Origins. However I got stuck after the first chapter due to writer's block. I decided a good way to get the chapters up better would be to post them up in snippets so I can better receive feedback as I write, then compile them into chapters on FF.net and clean them up a bit.

Here's what I have for Chapter 2 (chapter 1 is linked above) so far.

"Vigilo Confido" - Motto of FUCIN, originally from Humanity's Extra-terrestrial Defense Command Unit.

One year later.

Another year had passed by the reckoning of earth, though Cylosis had only completed three tenths of a revolution since Immanuel's birth. So much had happened that he didn't quite understand. There were so many more soldiers going around than there had been before, and his dad always seemed to be so angry with the man from the federation. Oh how they would yell at each other as their discussions went along.

Soon, Immanuel's curiosity would get the better of him. He just had to find out what was causing so much commotion.

One day, he decided to make his way over to one of his father's discussions. The guards were long used to his wanderings and had long decided that they weren't anything worth getting worked up about so long as he remained safe. He would face little trouble from them as he made his way over to the room where Dad usually held all his most important guests.

"The penalization of your corporations' assets in our territories is in accordance to our laws mister Ambassador, from what they were doing you're damn fortunate we didn't outright nationalize them!" His dad's voice said, cutting through the air and making it's displeasure with the other speaker all too clear, even if he couldn't understand half of what he said actually meant.

Still, he wanted to learn more about what put his dad in a dreadful mood.

"You caught them breaking some jumped up environmental law, hardly worth putting those fines on them." The ambassador, a rather thin man with ruddy copper hair responded, drawing a scowl from Heinrich.

"Those laws exist to preserve our worlds from over-exploitation. They were designed with our children in mind, not the profit margins of some stock trade jockey." Heinrich said, his voice filled with contempt for the man on the other side of the table.

"Our trade relations a-"

"Are irrelevant to the sanctity of our worlds. Maybe your business men value numbers in a bank account more than having a healthy world to call home, but I don't." He interrupted him, pointing a slender pianist's finger at the other man who almost leaned back from the gesture.

"All I'm doing is raising the concerns of the citizenry of my government Minister." He said, throwing his hands up in the air to the disgusted nod of his father.

"The senate at Daiban is kindly invited to fuck itself. What else do you have to darken my day with you pompous weasel?" Immanuel creased his brow at one of those terms...what did that mean? He heard people say it when they were really angry, but nobody ever told him what it meant. He'd have to ask mom about it.

"Well since you're clearly in a terrible mood, I'd like to discuss the telescope galaxy disputes." He said as he got out the datapads with the relevant information only to be met with the silver haired prime minister introducing his face to the palm of his hand timed with a long, exasperated groan.

"Your recent upsurge of colonists is rather troubling mister Sanders, care to explain?" The Ambassador said as Heinrich blurted out an already formulated response.

"We're not some sort of fascist dictatorship, our people are free to go where they choose. If they want to move to the frontiers that's their choice!" He said, stopping himself just an inch before slamming his fist on the table.

"But you're incentivizing them."

"People want to live on planets, not orbitals or artificial worlds. We subsidize them so that their moving is as painless as possible. We subsidize other moves too."

"Not quite as strongly as moves to planets. In addition your baby boomer policies seem to indicate a fear that you'll be running low on population, such as in case of war?" The Ambassador said, moving the relevant data forward before heinrich dismissed it with a wave of the hand.

"Of course we're afraid of war. We're always worried about assimilation by larger powers. You in particular." Heinrich countered. His tone was certainly not happy with the insinuations being made by the Federation diplomat.

"Then surely you'd agree to some sensible treaties concerning our colonial overlap. Unless you really are deadset on acquiring more territory." The diplomat managed to say before Heinrich got up off his seat and stormed over to the ambassador.

"I've had enough of your disingenuous assertions!" He shouted before punching him squarely in the right side of the jaw with a powerful right hook. A gesture unthinkable to the culture from which the ambassador was from, but a rather common one on Cylosis. A smack and a crack went through the room, Immanuel flinched and looked away as the man fell off his chair and hit the ground with a thud. This was the second time Heinrich had socked that particular man in the jaw after a meeting. Last time he had said "I've had enough of your snide insinuations!" Though that time the punch had been in the gut.

"Guards, get this man out of my sight." He said as he returned to his seat, the armed and armoured guards filing in and dragging the unconscious ambassador out of his office.

"Dad." Immanuel interjected, bringing the full measure of Heinrich's attention down upon him as he sat back in his chair. Immediately, guilt wormed it's way into the man's gut as he realized that his violent outburst had been noticed by his son.

"Immanuel, how much did you see?"

"Why did you hit that man?"

Heinrich sighed as he considered his options. Encouraging him to lash out at everyone who upset him was clearly out of the question and he simply wouldn't understand the political situation that lead him to strike at the diplomat. Then it came to him and his face light up as he thought of a response.

"What he was saying were things that would lead to a lot of people being hurt, and I had to act quickly to make him stop saying them. " He said, knowing full well just the magnitude of how terrible his advice was, but at his age there was still plenty of time to correct any mistakes in parenting made at this point. But he did find himself wishing Eva was here, she was always so much better at handling children.

"Really?" Immanuel asked. Eyes wide and curious.

"Really." Heinrich said, nodding and pleased with himself for saying something that suited his conscience.

"Now go and play, I have something to attend to." He said, earning a nod from the boy as he toddled his way out of the room.

Federation Space, some time later

"So he punched you?" Vzorag asked.

"Oh I was just napping for five minutes. Of course he punched me!" The Ambassador complained loudly as he rubbed at the spot he was hit. The bruise formed was already healed, thank goodness for medical tech, but he still felt as though his pride had been directly assaulted.

"Hardly a sufficient Causus Belli. The Senate and Parliament would laugh me back to Kulukratok if I tried presenting that before a committee." Vzorag noted with a displeased click, the tentacles on its face writhing amost hypnotically as he contemplated.

"However, what I do have for you might just convince you to head back." It said as he presented some images showing the images of the Alimbics taken by one of the agents it managed to sneak onto Cylosis. The Director studied the reaction of the Ambassador and noted with satisfaction as the human's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. The Ambassador's species always found it hard to read its kind's body language, but the human may as well have been an open book to the director. Now, it had his full attention.

"I hope I don't need to remind you that this bears great potential consequences for Federation security interests. The Cylosians have always been unfriendly at best. Optimistically they'll use this to set themselves up as a rival superpower independent of the existing power blocs. Worst case scenario? They go over to the Space Pirate Confederacy or the Krikens." The Director said, its words heavy with concern.

"I need to get a war started and started quickly. We need to quickly and pre-emptively strike and Cylosis and do a smash and grab as a start to a general war to break Cylosis' potential power and then draw it in as a client state. Fortunately, we have Vogl as Chairman. A Hawk like him should be easy to convince to endorse a conflict with the Cylosia-" The director started before the Ambassador interrupted it.

"I am all for containing the Cylosians and trying to drive them away from our enemies but what you're asking for is obscene. You're asking for the Federation to play the part of villains in an insane conspiracy theory. The Federation has principles to uphold for the Buddha's sake! We can't just shatter a great power because of what they might do!" The Ambassador protested, his face red with outrage, his mind reeling from the revelation of the Director's plan.

"Realpolitik is the guiding principle of our foreign politics. You want a society that puts idealism and well-wishing over pragmatic realities? Fine, move to the Vhozon Grand Judiciary where everything is based on moralizing." Vzorag countered.

"There's a difference between being pragmatic and asking for pointless wars of annihilation!" The ambassador shot back, making Vzorag almost flinch a bit from the ferocity of his statement. A few seconds later, the ambassador noted that his cheeks were red, his hand ached from slamming into the table, and that he was out of his seat. Apologizing, he quickly sat back in his chair.

"How would you even pull off this preemptive strike you keep harping on about anyway? Cylosis is deeply nestled into well defended territory and there's numerous hyperspace interdiction screens preventing you from just dropping by." He said, folding his arms while Vzorag almost seemed to brighten up at the opportunity to explain its master plan.

"Come with me." Vzorag said as he stood out of his seat and gestured to the ambassador to follow him as he skittered on eight legs out of the room. The ambassador grimaced briefly before sighing as he followed the director of FUCIN on his "tour." Exiting through a red screened circular door, the two were acknowledged by a series of RAIT guards, whose helmets reminded the historically minded ambassador of Stahlhelms from Earth's distant past, coupled with one way visors that reminded him of riot police.

"Impressive stormtroopers you have there." He idly mentioned to the director who gave the Ambassador the briefest, but most withering of glares, and he soon became aware of every RAIT operative in the room turning to focus their attention entirely on him. Gulping audibly, the Ambassador could virtually taste the oncoming retort.

"RAIT is hardly just a band of stormtroopers." Vzorag chastised as he approached the second door, applying its security clearances to the scanners so as to be allowed right through the door, a new shift of guards moving in to take their place by its side. Within the room was an even larger number of RAIT operatives who held their guns close to their chests, along with a number of special RAIT Enforcer troops. The ambassador took a moment to regard the soldiers inside and could feel the color draining out of his face when he saw the elite team of commandos who made up the enforcer team known as the Dead Hand Six.
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PostSubject: Re: Fireheart (A sylux fanfic)   Tue May 26, 2015 5:06 am

As for my thoughts on fireheart's second chapter, I think it's well written, but flows a bit slowly, however, that is to be expected, the first chapter or two should really be used to set the tone and provide a background for a story, without jumping into the action to quickly. I like the way RAIT and FUCIN are introduced, and how they are gradually expanded, the way you do it does seem to give a feeling of suspense with undertones of dread. That is really the best you're going to get out of me, I think my brain'll explode if I try to be any more like a critic, even a nice one. I'm just not used to that stuff.

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PostSubject: Re: Fireheart (A sylux fanfic)   Tue Oct 20, 2015 5:08 pm

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10790907/1/Sylux-New-beginnings

Guess who managed to get three chapters out in a short period of time with a fourth new chapter well on the way?
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PostSubject: Re: Fireheart (A sylux fanfic)   Wed Oct 21, 2015 1:16 am

you?

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