I'm calling from jail because...

Here, you'll comment sarcastically on the person above's reason for calling from jail, then share your own reason.

I'll start.

I'm calling from jail because I tried physically beating a guy with my ban hammer.

and you thought that was a good idea why?
I'm calling from jail because I stabbed a man thirty seven times in the chest and then boiled and ate his hands.

Ha, thats it
I'm calling from jail because I killed 100,000,000 people with my orbital death beam and tried to stab Obama in the eyes with my penis

you mad?
I'm calling from jail because I committed genocide on the entire human race for the fuck of it.

you sound like me, just less awesome
I'm calling from jail this time for generating a black hole in the delta system and destroying all the matter while gouging out a police officers ass with an ice cream scoop and a ferret

you have got to be the most mentally unstable person I have ever had the pleasure to interact with, except meeeee, stop taking over my body damnit! don't forget abou..stop it! it is MY BODY DAMNIT!!!.hueh. now that that is over with.
I'm calling from jail because I have made an indestructible-from-the-outside bomb that could- and once I get out of jail, will- destroy the entire universe and it's mother and father. *maniacal laugh* I hope I can be heard over phone receiver.

Ha just 3 universes, I have a plan for more
I am calling from this new jail because I was caught attempting to travel to the original universe destroy all of them to destroy my poisonous pet air

you are really the most insane person ever born.
I'm calling from jail because I destroyed the galactic federation by cutting off the leaders heads and shitting down their necks. it was stinky apparently, but I don't really know, I got out of there like a bat out of hell.

Ha just the federation, I am calling from jail for the infection of all known planets with the mitriolis virus and phazon, and than killing Samus with a direct leviathan strike so hard every space pirate ever born exploded, than stabbing a man who was running out of the federation building and throwing him to his ship right after he killed the leaders

you are fucking insane.
I'm calling from jail because I sided with the pirates.

You dirty bastard...

I'm calling from jail because the police wanted to stop the spread of my awesome.

you have awesome?
I'm calling from jail because I killed my mother and father in a fit of insane rage over them telling me I was not allowed to play metroid anymore.

Ha I'm calling from the jail of being royalty for going back in time and conquest Kahn style

you are one stupid fuck.
I'm calling from jail because I decided to rip peoples heads off and shit down their necks for no reason. and then grow tentacles and rape a few thousand good looking women with them. and make an army of demons to further rape the female populace. and kill everything in this universe that I did not have a part in creating. and create hammer space and fill it with weapons and other things and give a young, usually female, shapeshifter access to this space of hammers and other things as her literal birthday present.

Ha I used to do that before breakfast
I'm calling from jail for finally reaching the alpha universe and killing the creature that first was born, so I killed all life on earth and dramatically altered history

you stupid motherfucker.
I'm calling from jail because I was falsely accused of murder.
((are you going to want to join the new RP I'm starting?))

(Maybe)
Ha ha, I'm calling from jail for a number of reasons, but you are calling for killing a man I actually did kill
One of my favorites was making a clone army and laying waste to the entire universe

I hate you (part of game).
I'm calling from jail because I threatened the president. of Georgia.

Well I am calling from jail for destroying the key to all the cells of my last prison welding them shut and killing all the guards with my lightsaber in my last prison

you really need to take a Prozac or something.
I'm calling from jail because I was in that prison and I escaped about two days before that. they caught me the next day.

Huh that was you, well I am calling from jail because I stabbed you in the stomach w/ a lightsaber

I will get my revenge you bastard. I'm calling from jail because the government has banned metroid metal and I was listening to phenandra drifts by stemage.

I am calling from jail because I made all the law enforcement think metroid metal was illegal

I will kill you so hard for that.
I'm calling from jail because I created a race of creatures that can kill with a sidelong glance at the thing in question. and then released a horde of them in major cities on every planet that was inhabited by anything. like literally anything.

I am calling from jail because I created a machine that kills all life on planets and released it